noun: denizen; plural noun: denizens
FORMAL•HUMOROUS
a person, animal, or plant that lives or is found in a particular place.
"denizens of field and forest"
synonyms:inhabitant, resident, townsman, townswoman, native, local
People often ask me where I’m from and I always find it difficult to answer.
Do they want to know where I come from based on how I look? Do they want to know where I was born? Or where I grew up? Perhaps they want to know where I have lived the longest? Maybe where I feel most at home?
I actually can not answer this with only one country because it’s a different answer for each question.
I’m the baby on my eldest brothers hip.
For anyone that has grown up in a country different to their parents culture knows how difficult it can be to find ones identity. The desire to blend in and belong to your new culture, the sense of responsibility to keep your parents heritage and also the different views and responses from different people of who they think that you are.
I myself struggled immensely my entire childhood as I felt and wanted to be Swedish but my parents insisted on me keeping and being everything Vietnamese. Early on in life I felt that I didn’t belong in my family, always having a sense of not being understood and that I could not be myself.
There were expectations of how to behave, what I should study and what kind of man to marry.
I was definitely not a submissive person that wanted to please other people.
The drive for authenticity was strong and at a young age I knew that I had to leave my family to live a fulfilled life where I could be authentic.
When I turned 18 I booked myself a one-way ticket to London.
I arrived on 31st August 1997, the day Princess Diana died.
People tell me how brave I must have been to leave the safety of my family and home but it was purely down to soul survival for me, I knew that I couldn’t live the life I needed to live had I stayed.
It is only since having children that I have started to mend my relationship with my parents. It is not easy though as so much time has passed and on top of all the anger, resentment and hurt, we also have a language barrier.
I had not spoken Vietnamese for ten years and my parents Swedish is limited so it is difficult to have meaningful conversations.
I have spent over twenty years feeling guilty for following my desire for an authentic and purposeful life and it’s only since reading Alice Miller’s “ The Drama of The Gifted Child” that I no longer feel guilty.